I stopped posting in here for several months because my hope and drive had faded. I sunk deep into a spiritual funk, and felt so lost and frightened anytime I tried to reason through it that I just gave up. I tried to ignore the questions that refuse to stop haunting me.
I've begun to regain a sense of direction and purpose and meaning, even in the face of what may be an ultimately meaningless life. I am enrolled in two classes, "Philosophy of
Mind" and "The Meaning of Life" that have the simultaneous, contradictory effects of pushing me closer toward atheism and closer toward some form of dualism. The end result is the realization of just how little we know. I find solace in that unknown.
I have long understood that a nonviolent existence is the only truly justifiable way to live one's life or, at the very least, the closest we can come to a truly justifiable way to live one's life. I was inspired when I first took the course "Philosophy, History, and Practice of Nonviolence," and reinspired when I became one of it's TA's. However, my drive begins to wear off when I am no longer actively engaged in its study. Earlier this week, Arun Gandhi, the grandson of the Gandhi, spoke on campus and I went. I was reinspired again...a reawakening, so to speak. I imagine it is the same feeling experienced by the religious who attend awakenings.
I have much to report about this reawakening, and how it is redirecting my life, but I would like to first address something that happened to me last night, which kept waking me up throughout the night and continues to sting this morning.
I believe this is how it started: I live with a girl who is vegan, and I was curious about the extent of her veganism. I asked her if she eats products that contain casein. I believe this led to the others present asking questions about veganism and vegetarianism.
It started off harmlessly enough, and I attempted to field their questions with my justifications for vegetarianism. But in time, the discussion started to feel like a hostile debate. I began to feel cornered, and I responded with a hostility to match the one I felt. I feel guilty about this, because that is not what vegetarianism is about. Vegetarianism is the embodiment of a lifestyle of love, and every time I give in to my anger, or superficiality, or downright bitchiness in any circumstanc, I immediately feel guilty. I'm often known as the tough one who will stand up to any sort of injustice of any degree, but I am far from mastering to art of assertiveness without hostility. Far from it. I feel guilty for any part my own weakness, in giving in to my frustration, may have played in transforming last night's incident form a discussion to something that closer resembles an attack.
I have been trying to understand why so many people everywhere respond to the notion of vegetarianism or veganism with such hostility, and I am leaning toward one conclusion in particular. If individuals truly thought that the consumption of animals was an entirely moral and justified behavior, then it seems that they wouldn't feel the need to try to shred vegetarianism. Surely a vegetarian diet is in no way harming meat-eaters, and if it is so wrong, it's foolish to waste energy trying to dispel it. It begins to appear to me that non-vegetarians feel compelled to undermine vegetarianism because of the fear the vegetarianism is actually right. I identity it as fear because individuals are afraid to face the implications of their actions and what is required of them, should vegetarianism turn out to be the "right" way to live (or, to be more specific, as close to "right" as the imperfect, limited human mind can discern).
Because vegetarianism is in no way harming meat-eaters, the flack vegetarianism receives is of a different flavor than the insults taken by, for one example, political leaders. Many of us do perceive that political decisions harm our existences, and have a very real stake in undermining the legitimacy of various political ideals. I cannot seem to extend that legitimacy to undermining vegetarianism in any respect other than the motivating influence of fear.
Furthermore, I can not speak for other vegetarians, but I tend to handle the situation in that I do not preach to people because that alienates more than it encourages. I will tell them my reasons for vegetarianism, should they ask, and more often than not, it results in fantastic philosophical discussion. I will not just start spouting off why vegetarianism appears to be the right way to live if I haven't first been asked. Therefore, I don't think I am engaging in behavior that encourages people to respond disrespectfully. I believe that the majority of vegetarians (with the exception of UR Veg) have the same sort of attitude as I do. Actually, I have met several that are even reluctant to speak about their vegetarianism at all, because they just don't want to deal with the trivialization and lack of understanding. If the majority of vegetarians is either quiet about their beliefs or will only begin to elaborate upon them if asked, it again leads me to the conclusion that the insults vegetarianism receives are rooted primarily in fear. I wonder how many other vegetarians have found themselves directly in situations that begin to feel hostile, and what their interpretation of the situation becomes.
I could continue, but I have to go to work. I hope to post again soon regarding the reintroduction of nonviolence to my life, and I hope to begin a pursuit of nonviolence within myself that far exceeds anything I've attempted in the past.
I've begun to regain a sense of direction and purpose and meaning, even in the face of what may be an ultimately meaningless life. I am enrolled in two classes, "Philosophy of
Mind" and "The Meaning of Life" that have the simultaneous, contradictory effects of pushing me closer toward atheism and closer toward some form of dualism. The end result is the realization of just how little we know. I find solace in that unknown.
I have long understood that a nonviolent existence is the only truly justifiable way to live one's life or, at the very least, the closest we can come to a truly justifiable way to live one's life. I was inspired when I first took the course "Philosophy, History, and Practice of Nonviolence," and reinspired when I became one of it's TA's. However, my drive begins to wear off when I am no longer actively engaged in its study. Earlier this week, Arun Gandhi, the grandson of the Gandhi, spoke on campus and I went. I was reinspired again...a reawakening, so to speak. I imagine it is the same feeling experienced by the religious who attend awakenings.
I have much to report about this reawakening, and how it is redirecting my life, but I would like to first address something that happened to me last night, which kept waking me up throughout the night and continues to sting this morning.
I believe this is how it started: I live with a girl who is vegan, and I was curious about the extent of her veganism. I asked her if she eats products that contain casein. I believe this led to the others present asking questions about veganism and vegetarianism.
It started off harmlessly enough, and I attempted to field their questions with my justifications for vegetarianism. But in time, the discussion started to feel like a hostile debate. I began to feel cornered, and I responded with a hostility to match the one I felt. I feel guilty about this, because that is not what vegetarianism is about. Vegetarianism is the embodiment of a lifestyle of love, and every time I give in to my anger, or superficiality, or downright bitchiness in any circumstanc, I immediately feel guilty. I'm often known as the tough one who will stand up to any sort of injustice of any degree, but I am far from mastering to art of assertiveness without hostility. Far from it. I feel guilty for any part my own weakness, in giving in to my frustration, may have played in transforming last night's incident form a discussion to something that closer resembles an attack.
I have been trying to understand why so many people everywhere respond to the notion of vegetarianism or veganism with such hostility, and I am leaning toward one conclusion in particular. If individuals truly thought that the consumption of animals was an entirely moral and justified behavior, then it seems that they wouldn't feel the need to try to shred vegetarianism. Surely a vegetarian diet is in no way harming meat-eaters, and if it is so wrong, it's foolish to waste energy trying to dispel it. It begins to appear to me that non-vegetarians feel compelled to undermine vegetarianism because of the fear the vegetarianism is actually right. I identity it as fear because individuals are afraid to face the implications of their actions and what is required of them, should vegetarianism turn out to be the "right" way to live (or, to be more specific, as close to "right" as the imperfect, limited human mind can discern).
Because vegetarianism is in no way harming meat-eaters, the flack vegetarianism receives is of a different flavor than the insults taken by, for one example, political leaders. Many of us do perceive that political decisions harm our existences, and have a very real stake in undermining the legitimacy of various political ideals. I cannot seem to extend that legitimacy to undermining vegetarianism in any respect other than the motivating influence of fear.
Furthermore, I can not speak for other vegetarians, but I tend to handle the situation in that I do not preach to people because that alienates more than it encourages. I will tell them my reasons for vegetarianism, should they ask, and more often than not, it results in fantastic philosophical discussion. I will not just start spouting off why vegetarianism appears to be the right way to live if I haven't first been asked. Therefore, I don't think I am engaging in behavior that encourages people to respond disrespectfully. I believe that the majority of vegetarians (with the exception of UR Veg) have the same sort of attitude as I do. Actually, I have met several that are even reluctant to speak about their vegetarianism at all, because they just don't want to deal with the trivialization and lack of understanding. If the majority of vegetarians is either quiet about their beliefs or will only begin to elaborate upon them if asked, it again leads me to the conclusion that the insults vegetarianism receives are rooted primarily in fear. I wonder how many other vegetarians have found themselves directly in situations that begin to feel hostile, and what their interpretation of the situation becomes.
I could continue, but I have to go to work. I hope to post again soon regarding the reintroduction of nonviolence to my life, and I hope to begin a pursuit of nonviolence within myself that far exceeds anything I've attempted in the past.
