Is this what growing up is?

I read a quotation once somewhere (I think it’s a rather famous one) that insists we must live so that we are sucking the marrow from life. It’s a powerful metaphor, and something I have borne in mind since. Unfortunately, as of late, I feel that I have strayed. Life is sucking the marrow from me.

At present, my days are consumed by schoolwork, my job, classes, and a little bit of relaxation where I can squeeze it in. I enjoy these things, but I feel drained, primarily because there is such a dearth of true companionship in my day to day life. My friends have become people that I greet in the mornings and evenings, but little more.

I find myself with some free time in the evenings on weekends and I am craving some culture rather desperately—going out for dinner or coffee or to a performance of some sort. These are the activities I find fulfilling, in large part because they involve connecting with other people. I love deep conversation; not necessarily so intense as discussion about the meaning of life, (that’s what I’ve reserved this blog for, so that elsewhere I’m not burdened by these thoughts), but about my friends and their hopes and goals and joys and problems.

I feel truly fulfilled on the evenings when I go to bed having connected with someone. Unfortunately, during the only free time that I have, the social agenda seems to consist of getting gussied up for the standard college parties and bar hopping. These have a place in my life, too, to be sure, but not as a regular feature. When I wake the morning after “partying”, I feel spiritually vacuous. Following a night of superficial interaction with drunk strangers, I don’t feel particularly fulfilled when I don’t have meaningful interaction with friends (or potential friends) as a counterbalance.

Of course, I certainly carry much of the blame for this inner unrest. But after a long week of stress, perhaps I’d be happiest if I could just throw on some sweatpants, get a big old mug of coffee, and ask someone close, “How are you doing lately?”